Positive Parents

The term “be positive” is something you will find on every other person’s lips.

Want to be a better manager? Be positive about your team. Want to be a successful person? Have positive thoughts. Going through a tough time in your relationship? Do more positive things for yourself.

But what exactly does it mean to “be positive”?

On the surface, being positive may seem like an easy thing to do. Hey, all you have to do is think and act positive right?

Not quite.

While being positive includes changing the way you think, adapting your lifestyle to suit your goals or simply by changing the way you talk or walk, these things are unfortunately, as many of us learned to discover, easier said than done.

How can being negative affect you as a parent?

Parents often struggle to be positive in their daily routine.

Impatience, hurt, anger, frustrations, depression and many other negative feelings are the culprits in making a parent feel low and miserable. These feelings, often stronger than their positives counterparts, can harbor inside a parent’s head for months on months. This can lead to parents being short-tempered, have low self-esteem in being a parent and also failure to handle a situation at home or at the office.

Parents who are stressful, miserable and depressed can lead to an unhappy household.

Children may or may not be neglected if you’re miserable or stressful but they may not get your full attention and love. Parents may brush aside a child’s need because they’re brooding over problems that are hanging over their heads. Parents might even physically punish their child when under stress and commit common disciplinary mistakes without them realizing it. This can lead to emotional disturbance in your children and that’s the last thing you want.

Being positive is not difficult but it’s not an easy task either because it takes a lot of self-discipline and effort. Changing the way you think or the way you speak is not as easy as you might think. But if you’re able to stick to it for as long as you can, you will be impressed to see how different things will be once you’ve managed to be a more positive person.

So what do I need to do to be and stay positive?

To stay as a positive parent, you will need to change yourself. Period.

You will need to change the way you talk to your kids and partner or spouse. You will need to change the way you look at things now. You need to change the way you think. And sometimes, you might even have to change the way you walk to induce the positivity in yourself and your life.

Staying positive is about repetition and self-reminder.

You’re your own worst enemy when it comes to being and staying as a positive parent. As mentioned earlier, it’s not impossible to be positive but it does take effort. But the longer you stay at it, you will soon find that it will be a second nature and you will start influencing those around you too, especially your kids and your partner or spouse.

Here are some tips on what you can do to stay positive:

1.   You’re going to have to want it

Everything starts with your intention and desire. The key to being and staying positive is that you need to want it. You need to know in your heart that’s who you want to be.

2.   Keep that smile all day long

When you start to feel yourself slipping into a negative thought or action, try this exercise – Stop, stand up straight, breathe, and smile.

There are at least 15 known health benefits that come from smiling. One of the biological benefits of smiling is that it can lower your heart rate. Smiling slows down your heart and relaxes your body. When this happens, it allows your heart to work without overexerting itself over stress. Another famous health benefit of smiling is it releases endorphins in your body. Endorphins are the hormone that is responsible for the feel-good feelings in you.

Your brain and body are neutral so it will only respond to what the brain is telling it. So the more you smile, the higher amount of endorphins will be released into your system thus making you a happier person.

3.   Take a second longer

Before you blow your top off when your child spilled the spaghetti sauce on the floor, take just a second or two longer before you react. These precious seconds will help you to center yourself and look at the situation differently. Take a deep breath and then address the situation.

When you’re not handling a situation in anger, you’re able to speak in a better tone that will not scare or hurt your child. Staying calm and see that accidents happen with children will help you to be a person who handles crisis effectively.

4.   When overwhelmed, speak out

A positive person is not someone who is good at hiding his or her negative emotions. A positive person is someone who is able to talk about the negative emotions without letting them clouding their judgment or feelings.

If you feel you’re overwhelmed with chores or you feel like things are spinning out of control, you can acknowledge these feelings to your partner or spouse or even your child. Choose your words carefully so that you don’t come across as venting out frustrations.

You may feel that it’s pointless to speak about your emotions to your children because they wouldn’t be able to understand or relate.

But if done correctly, you’re actually teaching your kids that people get emotional from time to time and that it’s okay to talk about these emotions. This will teach them how to better express themselves and nurture them into sensitive adults in the future.

To do this, you can try saying:

To your partner or spouse,

• “Oh, man. I think I might have tried to do too much today. Would you help me give the kids a bath while I put the dishes away?”
• “I’m a little tired tonight because there was a long meeting at work today. Are you okay if we skip dinner at home and order pizza instead?”
• “I’m feeling a little stressed out. Would you keep an eye on the kids while I take a shower? I need to cool of a little.”

To your children,

• “Adam, I’m feeling a little tired. Can you and Anna help me to keep your toys? I’ll be very happy if you can do that for me.”
• “Mommy’s sad because I can’t get you the toy that you want. But why don’t we bake a cake together so later when Daddy’s home he can see that you helped me?”
• “I know it’s your toy and you don’t want to share it with your sister. Sometimes I don’t like it either when people take my things away. But you should share with your sister because then both of you can play with it.”

However with children, be careful not to sound as though you’re giving them a sermon on why you’re stressed over a situation.

Your child needs confirmation that you’re handling the situation the way you do because of how you feel about it. Children might mistake your anger at the situation as your reaction to them as a person. So it’s important that they understand you’re addressing the situation, not attacking who they are.

5.     Write it down

Writing things down tells your brain to register it into your subconscious. You may notice how sometimes you tend to remember something better when you wrote it rather than having read it.

Every night before you go to bed, write down a sentence that tells yourself to be a positive person. This sentence needs to be in present tense, not future. For example, you should write, “I am a great mom/dad and a positive person” (present) as opposed to “I will try to be a more positive person” (future).

Instilling this thought into your subconscious will train your brain to look at things in a positive way than reacting negatively to crises. When your brain can filter out the bad thoughts, you will find yourself handling a bad situation in a more composed and matured way.

6.   Participate

Many people wish for better relationships but don’t usually focus in being a better person for that relationship.

By actively participating in your child’s life as well as your partner or spouse’s, you will project a positive image of someone who is sensitive but independent, confident yet humble and also caring. You already know you care and love your children and partner or spouse but most of the time they still need assurances.

So by showing that you’re genuinely interested in them as a person and also their lives will help you feel better about yourself. You will open up opportunities for communications, sharing, discussions and laughter.

7.   Get some Me Time

For you to be a more positive person and stay as one, you need to feel good about yourself.

Taking care of yourself first before you take care of anything else is important, for health plays a big role in helping someone feel good about themselves and the things around them. When you’re healthy, you tend to be less irritated about things that are out of your control.

Take care of what you eat so you’re able to keep a healthy body. Take time to go for long walk to clear your mind or treat yourself to a spa treatment every once in a while or just sweat it out at a basketball game with your officemates. It’s also important to spend quality time with your partner or spouse so the two of you don’t lose track of each other in the midst of everything.

By being a positive parent, you will be able to raise better children for they will grow up in a very healthy environment that encourages open discussion, acceptance and support – all the right ingredients for a healthy relationship. If you’re able to be and stay positive, you will have better chances in bringing up your children to be positive adults themselves.

Having a positive outlook will gradually change the way you perceive things around you and mold you into a better person. Being and staying as a positive parent is one of the best gifts you can provide to your children and family other than the unconditional love that you already have for them.

Make the decision to become a better parent today by using the simple steps above. Remember to stay at it and never give up. One day you’re going to look back and wonder why were you so cranky before!